argoffy's outlet: Is it vanity?

A year.

It took just one year for me to visit Bayombong, once again. I guess that's just it. Guess it's just meant to be. For me to spend my March-April days in Bayombong. That has been the pattern for 3 consecutive years. Thankful as I am, for I don't have to pay for my fare just to see my old friends and colleagues in town. Sadly, the last year that I have been here, I didn't get to spend more time with them. That was then the time, the first time that I handled a team. I was so stressed and worried over what will happen to the project I'm tasked to handle that my eyes were only set on the computer, ignoring my Kuya Larry and Ate Lhen.

Since then, I promised to make up for them and planned to return and pay them a visit without carrying a burden with me, that means visiting specifically for vacation and not for work. Unfortunately though, once again the project that we had last year, failed. And needed some points to be added and observed in the area. That left me forfeiting the objective that I just made. Now, I'm here struggling the demands of the job and inserting efforts to make up for the moments I should have had with Kuya and Ate last year.

One comment that strikes me in the face though, is that my good old friends all say that I grew a way way older than I'm supposed to.

The first one who commented on the way I look was Philip, our driver and my kumpare as we were driving on our way to Bayombong. "Mukhang nag mature ka na nga dito pards ano. Last year, nung magkasama kayo ni Mam Lala, totoy na totoy ka lang nun." I took it as a compliment, that is with the way I carry myself.

PHOTO 1: Pareng Philip and I, taking a pose in Ambuklao Dam.

Now, my Kuya Larry and Ate Lhen claimed that my hair in the forehead is thinning and that I really looked older., "Anong nangyari sa'yo Arwin? ang tanda tanda mo nang tingnan. Ang panget mo na... Di ka naman ganyan last year." To that I was caught off-guard.

And wait, there's more. One of the youngsters who went with me when I climbe Bangan hill during Lent, asked Ate Lhen who the hell I am. She can't recognize me and was really hesitant to greet me. And just the same, she said I just looked older.."Si Kuya Arwin ba yan? parang hindi. And mature na."

Finally, I looked at the mirror and saw what they are describing. They're perfectly right. I got thinning hair and got a number of fine lines in the forehead. Oh God I just so hate it.

I realized I really haven't given myself more attention than I had a couple of years ago.
I used to have a vanity kit with me. But now, my job just got worse, spending hours and hours of work. Staying late at night even til dawn at around 2 in the morning. Bad thing is, you still have to wake up early for the field men's work assignments. It has been the routine for the 3 projects that I was connected with for the last 6 months. If you'll come to think of it, it's even worse than working in a call center. Imagine working from 8AM to 2 AM. While the call center job requires you just about 8-10 hours from Monday to Friday, here you have to work your butt, 24/7, even during holidays, and not to mention the added stress of deadlines and errors intentionally/unintentionally done by the field men.

I guess, now all of these are taking its toll on me. The wrinkles, the dark dead skin, the large pores, the eye bags, the protruding tummy and many more.

Now, is it really vanity when you long for the look that you had before? Yes, I must admit that it is. However, when you know that you're going away from the healthy and good lifestyle that you had before, then I must say that you have to think twice.

I've always loved to live simply. With no worries, and no complicated things to think about. Handling too much stress they say will soon reflect on your appearance and on your health. Now, in the aspect of appearance, it already shows. I'm just hoping that before anything worse can happen to my health, I'd be able to get out and find my real niche in this world.

Where I could live simply, and at the same time harness the gifts that God has given me.
Sana lang pwede na ko'ng makapag-resign.