It’s a brand new year and supposedly a brand new self. I bet
most of us have already made a list on the things that we have to change, New
Year resolutions, so to say.
But why is it that I still keep on longing to something that
has long been gone. Perhaps this is the sad thing about being human. Memories
are instilled in our minds, whether it be good or bad, unless you get to
acquire amnesia.
I was lying on the foam mattress laid on the bamboo flooring
of my Lola’s house. Looking directly at the roof I saw a ray of sun pass
through a tiny hole in the rusted galvanized iron sheet.
This has been the
house that sheltered eleven siblings, one of whom was my beloved father. Almost two
months from the wrecking of the super typhoon Haiyan (locally known as Yolanda)
in Leyte, the house somehow withstand the havoc of the typhoon and now is serving me and my
family its purpose as we wait for our renovated house to be completed.
Looking
back on my well-kept memories, this house has always been the venue for the
Christmas and New Year celebration, way back on the days when the all of the
siblings were in good terms with each other. I was reminded of the time when we
would have a mini-singing contest and once, Erwin gracefully sang “Paano Ang
Puso Ko” by April Boy Regino. That was way back when we were in our pre-school years. Prizes were back then prepared for every game like “Pera o Bayong”, Trip to Jerusalem”, “Paper
Dance”, etc. It’s incredibly overwhelming to know that each children of the
family are very enthusiastic in participating in every game, including the parents, making it a very
fun celebration.
Years later, however, people have changed and so is
one of my father’s siblings. Perhaps pride has got into him and he never had
attended and entered Lola’s house since then or if in any case we would, you must expect an argument that would result to quarrel. His actions led his children to become aloof to us (cousins). No matter how we convinced them to not get involved in our parents' issues, they (our cousins) gradually ceased in joining the
Christmas and New Year Celebration in the house.
Now, with the deafening silence of the lazy Friday afternoon
(i.e without electricity), with only the sound of wind breeze in my ears, I
come to realize that although Lola’s house has been able to endure quite a
number of typhoons and other calamities, it has not defied the force of pride
and ego that has been built in the heart of one of its past dwellers. This force was
so great that the carrier was able to spatter pieces of it in his other
siblings, causing confrontations and arguments that were never settled.
We celebrated the New Year in Lola’s house with only
some of my cousins and aunt. We spent the hours waiting for the year to turn with a case of beer while sharing and talking about our lives, our childhood
memories, the could-have been’s...and all the what-if’s.
Every year, we always want to grow.
A little taller? Who wouldn’t want that.
A little wiser? Of course, we do love that.
But a little egocentric? Nah! Better choose to be the same
good unselfish child of God.
As we make a list of our new year’s resolution, I do hope
that what we will change in ourselves would better serve our fellow
individuals, much more our own siblings. How I wish things hadn't changed much
especially in the heart of my uncle. My Christmas and my New Year celebration
could have been so much better for I can never deny the fact that I miss their
family...my cousins and him, joining us all, especially in welcoming the New
Year.
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| Celebrating the New Year with Arce, Erwin and Kuya |
